You know when you feel like everything is crap and you just want to throw yourself off a bridge or cliff if you live near the sea? Hmm, no? Oh well me neither!

I don't know what sort of mood I am in today, I'm not sure how I ever coped without therapy because after not having any for two weeks, I am slowly yet surely going crazy. I think we have merely skimmed over my issues and yet we seem to be no nearer discussing anything of any value. Thing is, I like her, I want to sit and drink coffee with her and talk about random shit. I think that really I am good at making friends, I just choose not to and perhaps I am little picky as to who I accept into my life.

I have been thinking about my ex again(yes, I know, shoot me) . I was going to discuss this in therapy but the moment came and I changed my mind. The whole thing of not being completely over him is starting to annoy me, I mean it's been practically four years and almost two years since I've spoken to him and yet I find myself back there and wanting him again. It's unrealistic because he has someone else, has a child or perhaps children and so much water has passed under the bridge that going back would be like a backwards step and I try not to take those because I am of the belief that if it didn't work first time round it's not going to work ever. There again, perhaps I am cynical. I also think if it was meant to be then be it would and it would have happened by now. It'll be too bloody late when I am 50 and if I'm not over it by then I am getting myself committed. Anyway, I couldn't realistically be with a smoker, I'd be sick every time he can near me, then again he could have given up! I have wondered about there being only one shot at love and if you fuck it up then that's it and you are destined to be a lonely old spinster. It's not so bad I guess, I already have one cat, I just need a few more to add to the collection. Then again she drives me mad so perhaps I'll stick to the one. :yes:

I'm not actually sure what I have just written and I don't have the patience or inclination to go over it and see. I conclude it's probably shit which adds to the general theme of today. :crazy: